Perspective

It's been a while, friends.  So I thought I would start back up with a bang.

As I type this, I am comfortably in my thirties, unemployed somewhat by my own choice, and the mother of a tiny child.  I spend my days managing someone else's poop and dreaming of a weekend all to myself the way I used to dream about dates with Brent Spiner or winning a copy of the Gutenberg Bible.

It is in these utterly normal circumstances that I have come to realize how totally fucking awesome I am.  Particularly, I have finally come, more or less, to really and truly appreciate my body.  For much of my life, I have hated my body.  My skin was never clear enough.  I weighed too much.  The size of my clothes was too big.  It all seemed to matter so much and none of it was ever good enough.

And that's how I thought when I weighed about thirty pounds less than I do now, and was a delectably young twenty-something.

To be fair to my younger self, the world works very very hard to make you think those things are important.  It's understandable that I would have been taken in, and that being unacceptable by advertising standards would have gotten to me.

I'm not exactly sure when I got over that, or at least got mostly over that.  Maybe it was the time Theo peed so much while napping in my lap that he wet through my pants, too.  When I went to change, I found that the pants I was wearing, which I had barely fit into after giving birth, could be taken off without undoing the zipper or buttons.  Maybe it was the first time I wore my running tights instead of pants, with a delightful tunic length sweater and a pretty scarf, and realized I was totally rocking it.  Or maybe, after having pushed a living breathing human being out of my body without pain medication and solely through my own brute strength, I just finally realized that the delightful flesh machine I call my body is pimp as hell.

Whatever.  The point is that I now wear leggings.  With t-shirts.  And I know I look good.  I know that, as I walk down the street in those oh so clingy and oh so insanely comfortable leggings, at least one person that sees me will wish they could look as confident and comfortable and totally awesome in my outfit as I do.  I used to be that person, the one wishing they could look like that.  I really wish I could go back and tell past me, shake past me until she believes, that she already looks like that.

I'll just have to know it for her.  In my god damn awesome hunter green leggings.